Monday, September 3, 2007

Gonna Wear Bright Colors, Speak Spanish, and Smile

We had our 2nd week of RCIA classes, so I can officialy become Catholic around Easter-time. The nun who was teaching us is so funny and full of joy; God has really blessed her.

Last week one of my 4th graders said that I wore too much black, and it looked like I was mourning. A couple of years ago, I had stopped wearing so much black.

That's when Tony and I first got together, and there was this new-found glow to everything. You know that first glow to love when everything is perfect; he's perfect, and he never made me cry. He loved me in colors, especially red. I remember the day I cleaned out my closet, looking at the colors and the different representations. - blue - cool, comforting, the color the Virgin Mary wears.

Somehow I did drift back to wearing black. There was a period of time, I was struggling to erase inner pains. I relived that process of the wounds bleeding, dripping little drops of blood, as if my heart was pricked with a needle, stinging little pains. All the time, radiating that aura of happiness. While inside, scars were forming over my heart, and I was thinking to myself, "Is Pendeja written on my forehead? Why does this always freakin' happen?" Saying over and over to him or them, it's okay, really it's okay, you didn't hurt me that bad. Or saying nothing at all, but proceeding with life like nothing happened, Sometimes, it's better that way. The thing about these struggles and pain - there's always that rainbow after the storm, that light @ the end of the tunnel.

I heard something yesterday on EWTN that said what is one of the main differences between Catholics and Protestants; someone shouted MARY. Right! I think that's an important reason I feel closer to Catholicism, because I do feel she is there; she listens when I pray. I do feel content knowing I have a Mother in Heaven. It makes sense, you know.

I have liked yellow a lot this past summer, not because it's Tony's favorite color. I do like how it is unique. Many more people have been wearing red, and I would rather wear something that not everyone is wearing. Research has shown that children's minds are better stimulated when they are exposed to brighter colors in dimly lit settings, so I keep the lights off and lamps on and sunlight seeping through the blinds. The LCD projector making the humming fan noise as videos and Power Points are preseneted on the white screen that hides that ugly old-fashioned ancient, makes my fingers hurt to write on it, CHALKBOARD!

I have been selected stories with bits of Spanish because the students are learning Spanish in their World Lang. Curriculum, and I like speaking Spanish even though I do not say the words perfectly, but at least, I roll my R's and say 'em the Mexican way, you know what I mean? I don't like it when Latinos try to speak like white people speaking Spanish when they know they can roll their R's.

I am going to keep smiling, because that creates a joyful atmosphere. I am honestly happy teaching the students; there are days I can put my worries aside and really focus on that. We really aren't supposed to bring our worries to work or have a negative attitude or take anything out on the kids. Sometimes, it is inevitable, but I work hard at staying alert and attentive to the students. Thank God for the energy, strength, and patience.

1 comment:

ShoeGirl said...

It was nice to bump into you at the Latino Book & Family Festival!