Thursday, July 26, 2007

Poesia para mi amor

Cuantas Veces?

Me amas cuando estoy delicada
Me amas cuando siento fuerte
Me amas cuando necesito mas
En todo tiempo – tienes amor para mí…

Nunca perderé mi amor para ti

Te voy amar cuando tienes una sonrisa de alegría
Te voy amar cuando tienes una sombra de miedo
Te voy amar cuando tienes una mirada de la confianza

Siempre crees en mí
Siempre creo en ti.

Monday, July 23, 2007

I Already Knew

First teacher interview
I drove 50 miles
grey slacks
cropped at the ankle
pearly pink pointy shoes
pastel pink dress shirt
under a grey blazer
three quarter sleeve
I thought I looked professional

When they asked if I had any questions
about the district
I thought for a minute
this is a small town,
it seems sheltered,
did I blab too much about being Latina?
did I clarify my desire to make a difference enough?
did I stop being nervous by now?
I wish I would stop sweating.

-Since you asked me what make me different from other applicants, and why you should hire me, then I want to know what makes your district so different, so unique, why should I work for you?

Maybe I was too forward
the prinicipal glanced at the superintendent
the counselor in cut off jeans with holes and a tank top smiled at me,

The principal,
straight faced
no emotions,
I couldn't tell if she was mad or bored or annoyed,

"Well, we have high scores on the TAKS test, our community is very close, we have a dress code."
She paused as if deciding to continue then stopped talking altogether.

The interview was concluded;
I already knew
that gut feeling that tells you,
No, I didn't get the job.

I stepped back to the outer office,
the secretary typed away frantically,
I don't like this place anyway.

They're too quiet,
like where is their spirit?
It's okay, I know God has something better.
I grabbed my pink folder of resumes and college transcripts,
-Thank you for your time; I have to get to class now. I am a grad student you know, always wanting to learn more, that's my most valuable asset.

I drove back to Victoria,
preparing to go to class,
that night I received another phone call,
while I was visiting Tony at work.

I did not recongize the number,
but still answered it.
It was the human resources director from another school,
I already knew,
as soon as I pressed end on my cell phone and slid it shut,
I am going to get this job.

Before even going to the interview,
I already knew.
They smiled while they asked me questions,
still keeping a level of professionalism,
accompanied by that warmth
that says "we like you; we could see you at our school."
I paused to consider
the pay scale was low, state standard,
the school is small,
only about fifteen - twenty minutes away from home,
the students will be 4th graders; that'll be my homeroom.
They're going to throw in a class of 5th graders and 6th graders, too.
Hmm, that's a lot of planning for a first year teacher,
but I won't get bored teaching the same thing all day.
Each student will be different; different ages, different genders, different hormones.
Hay Dios! Can I handle that?

I signed the dotted line by the "x,"
felt a new air of confidence,
they really appreciated my passion, my energy, my desire to help the students,
going beyond the "calling" of being a teacher,
because we don't just teach,
we have to be social workers, psychologists, parents, sisters,

As I was leaving my interview,
the human resource director beamed at me
"you're going to be such an excellent role model for those girls."
I smiled back,
- I will do my best.
I already knew...
this is where I belong.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Finally - Tiempo Para Escribir Otra Vez!

The two weeks went by so quickly but so long at the same time, like I kept watching my watch - can the second hand move any slower? I had two weeks of 12 days of teacher workshops. The State of Texas does not make it easy to be a teacher here; they want to stress you out and give you these tests, and right when you think you've completed them all, another one is thrown at you. But it's okay! It will be worth it on the first day of school when I start teaching.

God has been working so much in my life; I just celebrated my 23rd birthday. On Thursday, Tony and I did some work for my quinceanera project; we interviewed the priest at the Church and it was fun, very powerful, influential, truthful interivew - sin pelos en la lengua. Then we had turkey burgers for dinner; they were okay, next we saw Live Free or Die Hard - pretty action-oriented film! Tony bought me a dozen pink roses, a pretty balloon that said "Relax, it's your birthday!", some chocolate kisses, the movie In the Time of the Butterflies. It was fun being with him and celebrating my birthday.

Friday, I celebrated with my family and some friends, too bad that Tony had to work because the new Harry Potter book came out; I think about 50 sold, because everyone buys books like at Waldenbooks or Hastings here in Victoria. My mom made hamburgers with toasted buns and all the works and my sister, Tina, made nachos. We had delicious red velvet cake and a chocolate chip cookie for dessert and lots of rasberry tea! The family atmosphere was great, that's what I love about being Latina, we may talk a lot of sh*t, but hey we're always here for each other, whether it's to talk sh*t or celebrate or chismar. Whatever you know!

I got a lot of gifts, fairy (Tinkerbell) stuff, teacher stuff, M & M's, a sexy top I am wearing today! I can't believe my brother who I have called my "bro" since I was like one, bought me this cute cute top in bright turqoiuse with a yellow design that had a low V-Neck. He was teasing me saying, "you like to show your chi-chis all the time, so we made sure it was low-cut." LMAO! Tony liked it; it's not that revealing!! Omg, which reminds me, one of my sisters, bought me a bunch of stuff in a bag, and there was a box of condoms in there! I tried to throw it off and stuffed it in the gift bag with purple tissue paper on top. I didn't want my mom to notice and flip!

Even at my party, I was worried about school-work; I kept saying I needed to watch Total Recall this weekend, so I could do my assignment for my film class, and one of my guests, a close friend of the family, ended up running to the video store and buying me the DVD, pretty cool! I am so thankful for all these wonderful things in my life; Tony and I start RCIA courses soon with the Church, so I will be completely Catholic by April and we are getting closer to marriage, frightening, isn't it? (wink-wink) I just noticed that JcPenney has some beautiful wedding dresses at affordable prices, too. Hmm, inspiriation to lose weight! Either way, I need to take better care of myself, because of my health and history of heart disease, diabetics, etc. And, the clothes are tight!

More and more, Tony and I are in the public eye,
People have been coming up to us lately, either assuming we're married or that we're already engaged. If finances were different, we'd probably be there, but it's okay. Patience is a virtue, and I love Tony regardless of his income. Like those Chicano rap songs say, "Down for you when you have money, and down when you're broke." haha, I'm straight up loyal like that!

Last week was my niece's quince, and it was such a blast that before we knew it, it was over. I didn't get to sleep till close to 3 a.m. and my feet were so swollen, I didn't think my silver dress shoes would come off! I wore a black halter dress that had a black and white design on the skirt -very pretty! I actually like halters now. I thought I was too big to wear them, but turns out I am not! Soo woohoo, lemme look sexy and pretty! My niece looked so grown-up, mature, too! She is so tall; I can't believe it already passed; we were so used to planning it.

I know this entry is long, but I still have one more thing to mention. Today as I was waiting in line to set up my deductions to pay my loan from the service center that is giving me my teacher's certificate, I started talking to this lady. The more we talked, the more she recongized me from school and from the community. I felt real honored to be told I was a role model because of all my community work with the Latina Forum, I wanted to cry. There have been so many changes in the organization whose original mission was to promote higher education for Latina youth by being role models.. I have been disheartened by some of the changes, but hearing about the influence I can make in a young one's life, was motivating. I want to continue doing what I can; I know God can use me in so many ways, and the Latina Forum has been something I have been very passionate about, and I'd like to pray that that passion is reborn - despire some of the negative attitudes or conflicts that arise.
Here's a link to page I created a couple of years ago ...

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Week 2 - Quinceanera Project

For one of my graduate Comm. courses, I am making a documentary about quinceaneras, reflecting the changes from traditional quinces to modern quinces. I am also going to include a great deal about the influence of pop culture. I was ecstatic about this project, because I think it's something so important in our culture. The misa, the reception, the dance. The way some young girls today, don't take as much consideration into the misa, how we live in a culture of materialism, it's all about outdoing the other quinceaneras, etc. I am glad to have met some girls who actually do understand that they are becoming a woman, getting new responsibilities, no longer a little girl.

Tony and I have been interviewing people, like every day that we spend together is spent working, seeking out people for interviews. Last week, we interviewed a deacon who had a lot to share about the religious aspect and the classes he teaches to prepare the girls for their quinceaneras. Immediately afterwards, we saw some viejitas in the parking lot who I recognized, turns out they were there for a rosary. I glanced at one of their shirts and saw a picture of an eldery man I actually knew. He was the husband of my grandpa's sister, so I was glad to be there. We ended up attending the rosary and offering condolences to the family. I had done quinceanera pictures for one of the grand daughters. We saw two rows of orange; all of the grandchildren were wearing orange Longhorn t-shirts. They actually buried him in an orange collared Longhorn t-shirt and blue jeans, with a Longhorn football. We are all about UT here!
Afterwards, we went by my tio's house and visited there for awhile, then we went to eat at El Patio, my favorite Mexican restuarant in Port Lavaca! We ended up seeing some of my former students, there. So I got some interviews scheduled, and I actually ended up interviewing one of my students. It was fun; we got a lot accomplished.

Yesterday, we got a lot accomplished as well, interviewed 2 fifteen year old silly boys who were hilarious, but fun to listen to. We also interviewed Gloria, who had a great perspective about the cultural changes from her time to today. We spent a lot of time at La Michiocana, a Mexican Meat Market/Taqueria. It was nice there, being among Spanish-speaking people, and feeling how desperately I could not communicate as well, so Tony had to do most of the talking. Overall, the project has been taking up a lot of time, and my computer has not been working with the video-editing program. So that is frustrating, but I am determined to fix it! :) :)